Stop Saving People From Their Consequences | The Love Letter Weekly
It's not your job to jump in front of the karma for others' choices.
There are times in my life where I can easily recall the heartbreaking moments where someone did something to me that made me feel invisible. From dismissing me or failing to acknowledge my feelings at all, I find that some people really have never felt the brunt of consequences.
There are some actions that truly deserve to be ignored, as to not give the person your power, but for the most part, our society has lost the art of shame. Not shame for mistakenly doing something without thought, but shame to reinforce not doing something that has indirect ripple effects that resound further than the action.
Recently, I got married and found my side of the room only consisting of my immediate family and non-blood related family friends. We kept the ceremony small, but everyone on my mother’s side was “too busy” to be bothered to come. Flimsy excuses and unanswered invites made me feel so small on a big day that I could not let it go.
This has been a big year for me; with a new baby coming and getting married, but I found that motherhood is already starting to suck out my identity. If I had a choice, I would have preferred that the union that created the child was celebrated more than his birth. I kept it to myself for the most part, but being 6 months pregnant I couldn’t anymore.
As we got ready to start planning the baby shower, I found that the side uninterested in my wedding was suddenly so interested in my pregnancy. My mother and sister did their best to stave off the direct reasons, but finally I was brave enough to say how I felt. After pretending it didn’t bother me and bottling it up, I finally let it out.
Finally said how I felt and for once, I didn’t feel obligated to immediately pretend it all was okay. The journey to finding my voice has been more than picking up my pen, it’s me picking up my heart and deciding that someone else doesn’t need to validate its existence to make it important. I can do it myself.